I would give up my last breath for you, if you would only take my breath away...

....

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 17:31:48 GMT

goodbye childhood./

you're no different. you never wanted me anyway.

sincerly,

left behind.

one way street

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 09:03:29 GMT

heres a song. i am an asshole.

it is 3:35 and I feel like shit.

everything wants to pour out of me.

you're wrong you idiot. you never knew what you were doing in the first place. it always seems it so though doesn't it.

everything reminds me.

the cheap air I can smell
the new names she now knows too well
the way I burst to hear the music you hear
the reason no place could be as empty
as empty is here.

your second guessing doesn't help. you might as well just broadcast it. pictures and photographs and sounds are all thats left
of a time you can only remember the feeling

of someones skin you know beside you
someones breast for tears to hide you
someone to watch your chest beat in sleep
and how anyone your with right now is not as good
but can't be me

your shivering won't bring it back. you could promise that you were wrong. but you've gone to far to be an honest man
everything you've done has hurt her

the cheap mistakes I make in arguments
the way you caught on to me, came, then went
the only reason I get up, to see you here
I’ve made mistakes in my life
But not this dear

the cheap perfume of which I smell
the new names I now know to well
I left you as the sparkles without her glue
the reason no person could be as empty
as empty is without you

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 20:14:08 GMT

a rock, a hard place, and the seemingly endless ways to misinterpret your day

On any given day you are subject to a series of extreme, boring, docile, mediocre, entertaining, and otherwise noteworthy events that are supposedly stored in something called your memory.

We all know this because it is common sense. So how come we can't all the time?

You can look at the concept of memory in two ways:

Version 1.0->Energy pulses firing electrical bullets at the squishy pillow you call a brain

Version 2.0->A series of circa 1950's style blurry Polaroid photographs of people that are either related to you or you have engage in inappropriate acts with

thus the memory is a seemingly simple function.

If your memory is compatible with version 1.0 then it would seem that you fall in the same as I do. You have massive amounts of things thrown at your brain and since you spent most of your late high school years killing those starling brain cells only about half of what you throw does your brain catch. This is what I have dubbed late career Kelly Gruber syndrome.

side note: (for those who don't know, Kelly Gruber was an outstanding third basemen in the very late eighties and early nineties. He proved that the position of third base was not just "field filler." His career ended as soon as it peaked as his talent disappeared. However, he will always be celebrated for the three years he looked to be an all-star. Including his haircut)

If your memory is compatible with version 2.0 then you have been one of the lucky ones. Able to take a picture a whim you seem to remember everything but not all at once. The problem with your Polaroid style brain is your memories can take anywhere from two minutes, to two days to develop.

Because I am no longer the star Third Baseman I once was, I find it harder and harder at the end of each day to recount what it is I have done. So I have decided to collect these memories and share them in the most accurate way I know how. Completely fantastical. I hope you enjoy my day.

Tristan

(this excerpt taken from http://amplifiedplayback.blogspot.com

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 16:50:57 GMT

with winter come cold and wind and snow.
with winter come ice and sleet
with winter come slush and salt and snow
with winter come ruined shoes (ew)

with winter come hibernation
with winter come hands you can't feel
with winter come ice cold beds and ice cold windows
with winter come the clouds

but with winter come skating
with winter come hockey and sledding
with winter come mittens
with winter come hot chocolate

with winter come fires
with winter come christmas
with winter come waffles
and with winter come friends to share all of this with

with winter come the time to remind myself there are always three sides to the truth.
thier side (winter)
my side (tristan)
and the truth

winter ain't so bad? is it?

free vacation. just pack your guilt.

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 13:26:25 GMT

Let get away with murder
Lets take this distance and bury it alive
Lets get away with murder
With teeth to lip and naked hip to hip
Breathing through my lungs is the only way to survive
Lets tangle up causes with bodies, we’re closer than touch
Lets get away with murder
lets mix this distance with alcohol, drink it down
lets get away with murder
with sultry smoothing touch, things we’ve thought of far too much
These dirty words we whisper in each others dirty ears will make a dirty sound

Your face against the pillow, hands thrashing in the air
Or you’re up against a wall pushing back like you don’t want me there
Or your digging at my back while I’m pulling at your hair
Leaving bite marks as your signature, skin and flesh the broken barrier

...the bar on first avenue...

Tue, 17 May 2005 16:10:26 GMT

it has been strange the last little bit.

you'd think that I died and came back in a new place with a new life. weird.

i am a new man.

I wish everything I once had became beautifully new. without it I will pass by.

I miss you.

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 05:17:08 GMT

it is 1:14 and its alright to be in love.

...shes the brick...

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 17:22:28 GMT

I had a coupon that my sister gave me, and I went online last night at three in the morning and order a ben folds five album from the 90's.
only she knows why.

last time I was here I was a different person...

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 13:31:48 GMT

Its holding hands underneath blankets
its getting that second look feeling in the first glance
its a crinkle nosed confused look when you know whats going on
its when you roll your eyes around and not back
its finding a new spot to hold that you knew was there all along
its me writing you a movie of your very own
coming to theatres soon...

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 04:19:24 GMT

did you expect to kiss me one time?
while looking at me with the same eyes ever again.

i wish I was calling it love soon. i wish your kiss existed in my memory.

...I know its not a party if it happens every night...

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 14:48:01 GMT

"this place is a prison.
these people aren't your friends.
inhaling thrills, through twenty dollar bills and the tumblers are flooded.
again and again and again."

I need this to stop shaking me. I am not lonely. i am fine. i am not boycotting anything cause I need nothing gone. i am not wanting in anything because i have all i want. I am not full though. I am empty. every day the day is longer and tomorrow wakes up earlier and earlier no matter how late today ends.

"what does it take to get a drink in this place..."

I am jjust so very tired.

I WILL BE PLAYING LIVE SOON. i think. so you can hear me whine through a microphone. it should be alright I think. i will keep you posted.
it is time to sell shoes

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 15:17:19 GMT

you turn,
on a spindle,
your so much looser now,
thats your not explaining how,
you gained such new repose.
I touched the clasp of your locket,
with its picture held,
some secret you wouldn't tell,
but let it choke your neck...
so wear me like a locket around your throat, I'll wear you down and watch you choke, this valentines day, you look so good in blue.

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 06:05:05 GMT

But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest longing or simple song of hope.
That is why I'm singing...
Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company
through those days so long and black.

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 11:44:36 GMT

then he asked me
what does that mean?
whats another word for desperate?
so tip this bottle back, watch it bubble, foam, and break.
they'll tear into you
they will. they will.

...from one to the next one down the line...

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 15:03:36 GMT

I am listening to the new Bright Eyes, "digital ash in a digital urn"
I have the other one and it is obviously amazing as no one would doubt...but if you ever doubt where the next phase of music is coming listen to the new digitized bright eyes then feel your way through because it is a wild ride.

...if your getting up, you might as well be getting up with me...

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 14:32:28 GMT

"where do you go when your in love and the world knows"

I woke up in a good mood this morning. it is inexplicable but it feels good. it hasn't felt good in awhile. and it feels good causw of me. not because of what someone else makes me feel.

"where does the good go?"

heres looking at you kid

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 18:59:26 GMT

she is a selfish broad.

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 14:45:43 GMT

then he asked me, what does that mean, whats another word for desperate.

I am desperate for this...

...sing me somethign soft...

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 14:44:55 GMT

"...sad and delicate, or loud and out of key, sing me anything. We're glad for what we've done, done with what we've lost, our whole lives laid out, right in front of us."

i have come to this:

never make me feel like you once did.

My words are my bond and my feeling. my honesty is unshakable and I don't like your denial.

You don't want me to use my words then close your ears because I will never be silenced again.

I didn't want to hear me once, you made me feel like they were worthless. you will pay. but you know that. you live too good to not.

it is a shame, but I know that these words are mine own and you will never again make me feel like they are worth less than the world to me.

you would.

...I'll cut your eggs another day, right now they've come to take me away...

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 20:37:14 GMT

"shes a clown and a first class sinner..."

There has been alot of discussion about the mysteries of life in the last week or so. I think I fell for someones ideal really hard and I don't know how to deal with it. it is exquisite.

"i was hoping I could tell you this with two feet on the ground..."

I get to talk to and be around and love every answer waiting to become a question but there is no pain in knowing I will not have anything else. It is like I value it for some reason. i value another.

"with smiles on both our faces, we spit thier faulty ammo to the ground, and remind them once again...that you can't kill heroes."

i wish I knew better. i was i was just that shiver in the dark. i wish that is all I will ever be.

i have a feeling a will become more by becoming less.

...I'll cut your eggs another day, right now they've come to take me away...

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 20:35:27 GMT

...i never really tried till now...

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 02:41:38 GMT

the revolution is here people....

I am listening to the beautiful struggle by talib kweli and it is awesome. I never really gave it a chance before but now i think is the right time.

there is always a right time for every type of music. dont'listen to it in the wrong time.

I am doign a science experiment right now. it is going well. i am curious to see how it all turns out. I wonder>?

ah well. there will be no essay. that is for sure.

I wish christmas would fade away, i don't even shop at the bay or zellers. I also need a job

that is all

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 17:54:31 GMT

this is to a girl who got into my head with all the pretty things she did
this is to a girl who got into my head with all these fucked up things I did
hey
maybe
baby
you could keep me up in bed.

...I should know who I am by now...

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 17:00:14 GMT

"...thinkin of winter, your name is the splinter inside me."

I really can't express how tired I am of life. You know that feeling you get that you don't need to sleep and you didn't just excercise, but the really marose tired that wants it all to implode.

I have done some shitty things and I thought it would turn all around. Turns out all I play is games.

I haven't posted in awhile. this seems to be the way to do it.

I miss you still.

As I wait, a second chance is never what is coming
like a broken down, graffti written bus stop, I'm alone
a drunken sense of power with the usual smile
I'll take what you can give me and I will never let it go

Hold on to ideals, tricky words, and faces
the stomachs of the strong ones give me strength to take the test
you watch your words carefully and make sure they are laced with poison
MY SELFISH NATURE STEALS YOUR TRUST AND I WILL BREAK IT AT MY BEST

and it always comes true, the worst dreams
I remember let me down when I am up
and this gravity knocks me from my stronghold

And you, you said you didn't know but you always did
when I fell down
I skinned my heart and now it bleeds for you

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 15:55:01 GMT

i haven't posted in a while./ I don't really have anything to say that is exciting
this weekend we went to jimmy cause my big sista clairy gave me a ticket.
we had a potluck first and then walked there and gratitude opened up. it was amazing/.
afterwards I met up with the special people at the bar which was also amazing and I ended up getting home at four.
(next day)
I get up at eight to go to work to play santa claus.
thats right.
I AM SANTA CLAUS.
fake beard and everything and it is amazing. all the little kids smile and they are like "hi santa."
it is so good.
then I went out to guelph to see all my favourite georgetownians. THE T-BIRDS. Luke, Jill, Adrianne (cakes) and Amy and scott. it was awesome. we went out and then some tried to club it but I decided it was lame so we played mad gab.
(next day)
i left guelph with amy. then I talked to greery. she wass going to the santa claus parade in guelph and I was like an excuse to see greery, do some school and see another santa claus. this is not to be passed up. I went out and it was fun. greer looked different from before. quite striking I would say i do enjoi the freckles....
and then I had RIBS. LOTS OF RIBS. and then danny came over and she was sadly missed. we had some laughy times (hurtin cheeks) and she ended up giving me her record player.
thats
right
HER RECORD PLAYER!
now I can listen to my SESAME STREET DISCO album. oh fuck yeah.
and then I ended up meeting a new friend on line by the name of mel. we had some times. I ended up wearing a pink and black bowtie and glasses eating some pages out of my media book. who cares about media right. and then we sarnaded each other with en vogue and letterkills. (and wu tang gets the honorable mention)

my weekend was the shit. couldnt have been better. i saw everyone and everyone smiled